I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
