Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
