I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
