people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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