And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
