Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
