On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We smell like vodka and hangover
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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