i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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