I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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