wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
