She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
