hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
