I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
