you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
