dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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