He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
