Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
