Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
