The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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