he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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