no you cant smoke seaweed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
