took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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