Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
