I must be too annoying 4 u.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
