p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
