he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
