Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize