Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
