I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
