is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
