How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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