My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
