he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
