i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
