quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
