It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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