I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
