Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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