Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
