I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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