apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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