Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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