He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize