It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
