Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
