operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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