How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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