I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
