you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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