dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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