omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
