let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
