I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
