I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
