And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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