Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
