i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
