i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize