one two three fourrrrnication!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
