I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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