you traded sex for a burrito?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
