i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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