i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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