ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize