I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
