Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
