Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
