Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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