you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
