She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
