pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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