I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
