You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
