I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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