I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
