I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
