k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize