that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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