the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
