im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
