Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Actions speak louder than pants.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
