I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
