I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
