terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
