i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
