Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
