You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
