Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
