my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
