I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Found the puke drawer
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
