dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
