he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
