I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
