I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
