Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
