i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize