god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize