Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Pants are for mortals
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
