i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize