his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have aggressive nipples.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
