shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
