he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
that is very illegal...i love you.
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