I just made out with a guy for $7.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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