you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
