The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
