Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
