I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
