Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
